I loved Michael Jackson as a kid growing up. There, I said it. Don't get me wrong, I thought he was straight trippin' in the latter part of his career, which started to go downhill like the plastic melting off his face. But, DAMN, during the early 80s when I fell in love with not only basketball, breakdancing, and hip hop, there was Michael Jackson. I remember watching Motown's 25th anniversary show when MJ moonwalked for the first time on camera. My reaction was, "HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL DID HE JUST DO?!?!?!" And, of course, every kid the next day tried doing that move, including me. If you're not in my age bracket, you just wouldn't understand. I was a pre-adolescent in the early 80s and at the time, the way MJ touched kids was the good way to touch kids... in their hearts.

Okay, okay, okay... so I'm messin' around by making kid touching jokes, but I honestly loved the second MJ in my life... first was MJ (Mary Jane) from the "Spider-Man" comic, third was, of course, Michael Jordan and even though Magic Johnson's initials were also MJ, everyone just called him Magic. In any case, I thought this morning I would combine my love for Michael Jackson pre-"out of his friggin' mind" and basketball. When one man's career (and life) is over, another man's career begins, like the 60 players drafted last night during the 2009 NBA Draft. Well, maybe you minus some of those European players who'll stay overseas to marinate their game and then come on over in a few years. I present to you some of Michael Jackson's greatest hits relative to last night's draft. Enjoy... (grabs crotch and gives a healthy "Hee hee... shamone!").

With the trade for Shaquille O'Neal exchanging Ben Wallace and Sasha Pavlovic to the Phoenix Suns, there is absolutely no pressure now for the Cleveland Cavaliers to win the whole enchilada this upcoming season. And by "no pressure," I mean there will be tons of it!

The Cavs and Suns pulled off a trade most people saw coming in recent weeks with Shaq getting traded to aid LeBron James not only win that elusive NBA championship, but also determine the future of the franchise. Basically, no title, no Bron Bron. However, if there is anyone that can laugh at pressure, it's Shaq, who doesn't always seem to take things too seriously. But is that good or bad here?

Okay, we've all seen a crapload of NBA mock drafts, so I won't bore you with yet another one. Besides, can anyone tell me if they've ever gotten it right? I mean every single pick of the first round? My personal best was back in 1992, the famous Popeye Jones draft when I got 17 out of 27 correct. So, forget that exercise in futility! I think we'd all have a better chance of predicting what happens during the last season of "Lost"... I mean besides Kate looking all hot and dirty and shit. I would lick every single grain of sand off that... umm, nevermind. In any case, I provide you a break from mock drafts with my Mock Monologue and Dialogue centering around the lottery picks.

• Wizards get Randy Foye and Mike Miller
• T-Wolves get the No. 5 pick, Oleksiy Pecherov, Etan Thomas, and Darius Songaila

Nicknames, for the most part, are cool as hell. Especially if your nickname happens to be Bad Ass Mother Fucker or Big Dick Brown. However, there are some current nicknames in the NBA that, while sounding cool, need to have their meanings rethought. And I'm the one to do it in alphabetical goodness... witness.

Agent Zero (Gilbert Arenas): What kind of returns do you get when you sign a player to a six-year $111 million contract? Everyone say it with me... ZERO! Hopefully moving forward Arenas becomes Agent Sumthin' Sumthin'.

If you were lucky enough to leave your fantasy world and become a real NBA general manager, who would you build your franchise around? Which player would be a cornerstone for a dynasty? Considering age, stats and popularity, here are the Top 10 players I'd choose to start a franchise with (in order):

10. Deron Williams, Jazz – Williams is coming off the best season of his four-year career, averaging 19.4 points and 10.7 assists. And he only turns 25 next week. With Carlos Boozer possibly on the move, Williams is the perfect floor manager for a young Jazz team for years to come.

9. Brandon Roy, Blazers – After completing all four years at the University of Washington, Roy made an immediate impact with the Blazers his rookie season and has been their leader ever since. In just three seasons, Roy has already earned two All-Star nods and was recently named to the All-NBA Second Team.

Dear Barkley's Mouth,
In this year's NBA Finals I more than held my own against Dwight Howard, arguably the best big man in the game today. So, does my "soft" label get erased from my reputation?
Sincerely,
Pau Gasol

Dear Pau Gasol,
No. You still have an emo-type haircut and look like a bird I want to trap in a cage and stare at whenever I feel bad about myself, you know, to make me feel better about my looks. Emo hair + bird-like features = still soft. And you actually used "Sincerely" to sign off from your letter. Real men don't sign off a letter (if they must even write one) with "Sincerely." Real men sign off more, I don't know... okay, check how I sign off.
Suck a diznick,
BM