Nicknames, for the most part, are cool as hell. Especially if your nickname happens to be Bad Ass Mother Fucker or Big Dick Brown. However, there are some current nicknames in the NBA that, while sounding cool, need to have their meanings rethought. And I'm the one to do it in alphabetical goodness... witness.

Agent Zero (Gilbert Arenas): What kind of returns do you get when you sign a player to a six-year $111 million contract? Everyone say it with me... ZERO! Hopefully moving forward Arenas becomes Agent Sumthin' Sumthin'.

AK-47 (Andrei Kirilenko): The only things Kirilenko should be targeting in his sights are food and a workout bench. Dude is so skinny he can enter a room by rolling under a closed door.

The Answer (Allen Iverson): Only if the question is who is not Chauncey Billups?

Big Baby (Glen Davis): Considering his play in the postseason, stepping up for an injured Kevin Garnett, Davis has definitely grown up. Big Boy sounds right. So does the Big Stub. Your choice.

Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant): Yes, going for the ubiquitous dick joke here because Kobe sure did dick Shaq by winning his fourth championship without O'Neal, didn't Bryant? How does the snake spit taste, Diesel?

CB4 (Chris Bosh): The nickname is more appropriate relative to the Chris Rock movie by the same name - CB4 AKA Cell Block 4. I'm pretty sure that Bosh feels like he's in prison up in the T-Dot. Someone call Andy Dufresne.

Chosen One (LeBron James): While they share the same number of syllables, do not confuse "chosen one" with "champion." Honestly, what has LeBron been chosen for - being totally awesome only to have the rest of his team be not awesome when it matters?

Diesel (Shaquille O'Neal): In this day and age when there are a lot cleaner gases, hybrid cars, even schoolbuses that run on corn, diesel as a fuel source is getting old. Same here with Shaq.

Flash (Dwyane Wade): This is what Wade will be gone in if the Heat don't make him happy this upcoming season.

Half-Man, Half-Amazing (Vince Carter): More like Half-The-Expectations-Fulfilled. Carter was one of those "next Jordan" types until he graduated from college. Education kills careers.

Krypto-Nate (Nate Robinson): Yes, I get it. I get the reason and the origin of the nickname but it's way too hacky and way too gay. It needs to be deleted from the basketball world.

The Matrix (Shawn Marion): The Matrix movie kicked ass. Classic. The Matrix Reloaded was kind of cool although that orgasmic cave dance in Zion threw me for a loop. However, The Matrix Revolutions just sucked balls. Right now, Marion is in the Reloaded stage. Depending on where he signs, he could be headed towards the Revolutions phase of his career.

Skip To My Lou (Rafer Alston): More gay than Krypto-Nate. When Stan Van Gundy played Jameer Nelson during the Finals, SVG called Alston, Skipping Over You. (Sad Trombone) Yes, I'll admit that was corny.

Starbury (Stephon Marbury): Hahahaha. Okay, that's my list, what do you guys and gals have? Leave any nicknames we need to rethink down in the comments section.

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